The Beauty of A Monster- Chapter Four

After what seemed like hours, but only minutes had passed by I finally got up the courage and the tears starting to subside, to walk down the path to my home. I couldn’t take any more of this pain, it was killing me inside, it was like blackness was trying to take over but I didn’t know what it was or how to react. All I could do was straighten myself up and walk in like nothing had happened, like I was on top of the world even if I felt like it was being ripped at the seams. I put in the key to the dark red door and turned it as I grabbed the knob taking in a deep breath for the shit storm I knew I was about to walk in to. I opened the door and walked into my home as if I wasn’t scared from what the day had brought before.

     I walked in, placing my hands in my pockets after moving my hair to the side of my shoulder. The house seemed so cold not the loving feeling I had once felt before. Mother was on the black sofa her feet up and a glass of whiskey in her dainty small fingers, her hair was a mess and her clothes wrinkled like she didn’t give two shits what anyone saw of her at this point, which wasn’t like her because she was always so proper even if she did drink herself silly. Usually Robert was always in toe with a glass in his hand, but after looking around from the left to the right leaning over to peak down the hall toward the kitchen and back door, but it was darkness, nothing.

      I walked slowly in to the living room still keeping my posture straight and in a manner like nothing had fazed me. I looked down at her as she didn’t pay too much attention or even notice that I had come home and saw she was writing something, she looked up slightly and laughed an evil laugh as she jumped up slightly in her seat, the whiskey in her hand going all over her hand and her other a pen in the fingers grabbing her chest like she had just seen a ghost. She shook her head and a smirk came across her face as she took a sip of her whiskey and looked back down slightly at the paper, the pen still in her hand and she sat back slightly to get more comfortable. “Be a dear and go get a towel for your old mother, will ya?” she said in a direct manner, I didn’t want trouble so I nodded and went to the kitchen grabbing a towel to clean her mess up.

     After a few minutes on my knees cleaning, I looked up at my drunken state mother and she could barely keep her balance even sitting; she looked down at me and laughed again as she tried to talk clearly, “go get cleaned uo you are a mess.” She said to me as I got up and srunched up the towel. I rolled my eyes as I walked down the hall and tossed the towel in the laundry shoot and then turned around going back upstairs to change.  She yelled down the room and up the stairs “to clean up and to come back to her that she had to talk to me.” I went to my room so upset with her. She never was a mother figure growing up always made rude hurtful remarks to me either what I looked like or was doing.

    Thinking when I went up to my room as I clinged a bear Xavier gave to me, that was why I loved Xavier he was my savior. He saved, me with whatever hate she threw my way or the fights. She would always blame me and told me I was a mistake. That I was never good enough for anyone her.  my dad’s or Jace. I cleaned up and got in a tank and short shorts, I threw my bag in my closet and my phone in my back pocket because for some reason I had a feeling that Xavier was bound to call and explain why he’d left so abruptly and so hurtfully. I wiped more tears and anger built up in me as I walked out to mom getting more drunk.

    “I broke up with Richard told him everything, from Dustin to you and how you aren’t his,” she said and took another sip of her booze at that moment my face turned pale white and I started crying not understanding. “Oh don’t cry I’m going to be with Dustin he decided to leave that skank and be with me and Richard “, she laughed” he found someone else anyway some Brood named Emily. Good reddens I love Dustin lets drink to that” she takes a sip” I couldn’t believe my ears I was furious with her. I felt more Richards’s child than Dustin’s. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME TO THEM!!” I yelled at her and with vampire speed I went to my room slamming the door. I could hear her footsteps coming to door and I locked it. “Oh don’t be this way I’ve always loved Dustin don’t do this to me to us! I won’t let some brat ruin my relationship.” She yelled and threw her glass at my door shattering. “Clean this shit up” she stumbled downstairs and I could hear her dialing Dustin and sweet talking him while being so drunk. I opened my door and tears just kept coming. I cleaned up within seconds the mess she caused and went to my room. If it wasn’t one thing it was another today. I couldn’t take it and I called Xavier. I had to fix one bad thing that I knew I could fix. Richard I’d try in morning to talk to knowing he was working now. I’d do anything even go live with him and hopefully he’d be ok with that and believe that I am his. Tears just falling not being able to stop and finally Xavier picks up before he could speak I tell him I’m sorry for anything I did wrong and that I loved him and I told him what my mom just had done and how the only thing that mattered was him….I waited for what felt like ages and he finally said sorry blankly that’s it nothing else…then after a few more minutes and me hearing a girl in background asking him “baby I’m naked get off that phone” I bolted up and angrily asked what the hell was going on. He finally just came out and said it” I don’t love you we are done” he yelled at me saying my family always got in the way of us and he hung up. All I did was sit there and not knowing what to do. I looked at the clock and it was 2 am. I got in bed and just cried to sleep leaving everything behind of what that day had brought and finally fell asleep not knowing what the next morning would bring…….

     What would you do if you knew all the outcomes of any given situation? I lay here and rack all these questions burning inside me and my undead heart. You never really know what life will throw your way; I lay still not moving in my bed wishing I knew way before that this would be the life I was chosen to live. Wishing I was someone else in a normal family living a normal life? But this is life is mine and there will be ups and downs and the in between's. If I recall there’s that saying if life hands you lemons make lemonade, but if you really look at it what if you don’t want to? What if you want a fruit punch or an exotic vodka, or you just want to throw