Chapter 11- Continued #Part 6 Background Story and Keeping busy part 4- Remi's Story

Continued #Part 6 Background Story and Keeping busy part 4

*I am alright with a slow burn, because its okay I have a lot to learn. I know what I put myself into when it came to hash it out with Nik and his wife Mazi. I thought I had left everything behind me but when I saw Nik okay and happy I wanted that, I wanted that with him; but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case and I ultimately could have ended things between two amazing people. The type who are always there for you even in the rough times.

I never knew love, but when I saw how much Nik loved Mazi and how much Mazi loved Nik, who was I to take a good thing away. It wasn’t fair just because I was alone and hurt more so not from them but from my own past. I knew I had a lot to make up for what I had done and a simple I am sorry wasn’t going to cut it.

Above all #Nikko deserved more than what I was being. I gave all the apologizes I could, but I knew it was too late for myself, but not for #Nikko and the bond he could have with them and his half siblings. As Nik and I fought it out that day, I knew #Nikko deserved much more than seeing a hateful revengeful type of scene type of relationship.

I buckled up and just let Nik know it was my fault and there really wasn’t enough in this world to give the reasons why behind my acts, and no really way I could make up for it only to let him see #Nikko and build a relationship between themselves without really my words or say on anything hurtful toward them.

It had been a few weeks since it all went down, the dramatic scene between me and maziqueen; between myself and Nik, hell even between Mia one of their best friends. As I stood and drank my wine slow, leaning my body against my upstairs balcony railing; I thought about it all. #Nikko deserved so much better than someone like me to seek out a hateful revengeful act. It wasn’t his fault his father hurt me and neither was it Mazi’s; even Nik didn’t understand the pain so there really was no point to it all

I looked down as I leaned on the balcony, my life had been hard but even at that I had kept going. I thought back even with my pregnancy it wasn’t the normal happy one, the baby definitely gave me a lot to change within myself and to become the adult I needed to be.

I looked down as tears started to form again as I gripped the cup, it had been a few weeks all what seemed like a blur, I definitely wasn’t myself and the proud mom I wanted #Nikko to see me to be, and from Nik with his new family to my step father passing; I couldn’t help but lie to myself that everything was okay, when it certainly wasn’t.

I remember going to Nik’s home after Mazi had shown up and that was a mess, all I wanted to do was apologize, but even then it wasn’t the right move to make. Nik got furious and in front of his son and mine, grabbed my throat throwing me against the garage, * I felt my neck today as it was a little bruised* I knew Nik was upset but to be physical and in front of our kids, just was uncalled for. I wanted to run, I wanted to forget both of them, but it wasn’t fair to my son. I remember hearing Mazi plead with Nik to stop, that was the first time I felt any love towards her, she cared even in this situation.

After weeks of pleading and his own apology toward me and how he acted, I decided to give him a chance, but what hurt was #Nikko was scared of his own father and I never wanted that, I wanted someone to look up to. But not in the way Nik acted. That was someone I never thought he could be. But I understood he was about to lose everything he built for. Though I knew he still shouldn’t have put his hands on me, whether hurt or angry it wasn’t how a man should be.

#Nikko was scared out of his mind of Nik, especially seeing everything go down. #Nikko just wanted a father but instead he gained a stepbrother, and was scared of Nik. I told #Nikko it was mommy’s fault but #Nikko, even being three didn’t want anyone hurting his momma the only place he felt home and safe at.

I promised Nik I would gradually introduce him into his life, and even while out on one of our engagements, Nik apologized for everything, including leaving me like he did. It stung, and stung bad, all the dreams I had for my life, definitely wasn’t like this one I was in but I learned I had to always stay humble and kind, never expecting a free ride anytime.

I feel like that’s why god put me in these situations from Nik, and now my step farther. God knew through trial and stipulation I could hold on and just pull through for the sake of my family, for my own state. It was a mountain I had to reclimb. Nik didn’t know about my father and every now and then would text me to see #Nikko, each time I would let him know that my mother had him, due to some unforeseen circumstances #Nikko needed away from here.

Nik and Mazi must have heard the news about my father anyways, through the tabloids seeing how I was now in charge of a multi-billion dollar company, because I had received a nice condolences gift package from them, they didn’t have to do that.

*it had been a hard few days since daddy’s death and dealing with Nik and Mazi but it was a nice gesture a token of friendship we were trying to build.  I had been trying so hard to ignore them because I didn’t want to keep feeling the pain from Nik and now my stepfather mixed but unfortunately it was hard to ignore both when they were both in front of my foresight.

There had been so much hurt between the ex-love of my life and now this one losing my father. I guess Steve knew before his passing he had to try and help because I was going to him every day to vent and try to come up with something to do to fix the part I had played, Steve wrote Nik and Mazi a letter apologizing with his own fault paying Nik all those years ago to be with me and now the way it turned, he wanted us to all be a happy family whether together or not and it was the only chance we probably had to fixing anything and everything between us all, but how could I face any of them? I found out about the letter from mom, she said he just wanted to help me. I knew Steve was trying in every way he could before he passed.

I sighed as I pulled myself from the balcony looking down it was 3am shaking my head, time escaped me thinking about it all. I took to the bathroom brushing my teeth, putting my hair in a curled look for today.

I grabbed the sink as I closed my eyes remembering memories of Steve always trying to piece me together any way he could. I was maybe 16, and it was junior/senior prom. I was asked out by the hottest guy in school, and I thought it was the strangest thing ever, I  was a loner but not the loneliest in school and I definitely wasn’t popular as I tried to fit in from sports to cheerleading to science club. I was in the middle and It was strange that I was even asked, but I went with it. Unfortunately, while at the dance it was revealed as I was crowned queen and he king that father paid him and that it wasn’t fair or a right vote to win just because I was with him at the dance, it crushed me. I remember running out of the dance and it was raining, I fell in mud getting mud all over me, I think I even twisted my ankle, the king chased after me grabbing me and helping me up HE apologized and never meant to hurt me, he rather enjoyed the night with me; I made him swear not to tell my father that I knew. It would crush Steve. I know he was just trying to help. So as a gesture of anything remotely helpful the guy took me to an urgent care clinic we faked our names and he paid for everything as well as new clothes to go home in, using the money Steve gave him. We actually stayed in touch and was one of my best friends growing up. But that was the first time I knew Steve paid people to help me, a helpless mouse in the middle of cats so to speak.

As the memory flooded me I couldn’t help but smack the sink hurting my hand but not caring, I grabbed my gloves and went to my room. It only took me a few minutes to slip on my work pants and a nice blouse heading downstairs of the mansion and grabbing my jacket. I didn’t bother grabbing breakfast, food didn’t have an appeal lately. The keys hung on my wall adjacent to my door as I flew out grabbing them and headed to my car, even though I did most of my work now in the mansion, my own firm needed me today for some big meeting for an overseas truncation with Russia so I had to be there.

I needed to get this over with so I could finish up and then go to the life celebration tonight. Having my speech prepared and my clothes set out, the staff was busy back and forth from the mansion to the back patios setting everything up from food and drinks to the flower arrangements coming in by the truck loads. I moved my buckle to my chest and around my body as I looked behind me, reversing the corvette, waving as the deliveries were coming in early.

Mom had Emerson to help with getting Nikko ready as I put my car in drive headed toward the city.  The early morning commute wasn’t hard it wasn’t bad going from dad’s to the city if you left at the perfect time. I put my shades on my eyes to cover the swelled tears that kept coming as the memories kept coming.

I had to hold it together. Today was the day, the day of his life celebration. I had to keep going not of my own accord but for him, for his life. #TBC