Chapter 7 - #HeavenGainedAnotherAngel – Part 2 Remi's Story

~~ Warning! Trigger warning now, going to be a hard solo. Loss of a loved one~~

#HeavenGainedAnotherAngel – Part 2

*I woke up a few times in the night just starring at the ceiling so it was no wonder I couldn’t just stay in bed. I was up just before the dawn made its way peaking through the clouds and a lot had to be done and planned out for my fathers funeral.

The day prior was eventful and I had made such a fuss and a fool of myself in front of so many. It was the Pastor who came finally to the beach, I guess I was there for hours just starring into the ocean, pleading that it wasn’t true, asking god why now, asking if maybe it was my fault that I wasn’t the daughter Steve always wanted; over and over blaming myself. The pastor came up and sat down next to me; he was kind and understood the grief I was going to; he just talked to me that had me take in a lot and of course putting in perspective I wasn’t at all acting like the woman my dad always spoke proudly of. The pastor made points that just stuck out to me.

It was nice to hear the pastor talk to me in a way I could understand, that god has plans for us all and though we may not see it or understand why now, that maybe it was Steve’s time to travel into the heavens and make his mark like he did into this world; he would do into the next. The pastor didn’t scold me but showed me that my mom and my son needed me to be stronger than this, that my father Steve spoke to the pastor in a loving manner about how I would be. Steve knew not telling me would kill me but that’s why he had my pastor there to help guide me in a way that I could adapt and understand.

As I pulled on some nice dress and my buffed up my high heals freshly polished, with a buttoned down lace shirt that Steve had asked me to wear in his last few wishes to the Pastor, he always loved seeing me in, I couldn’t help but think back and just shake my head. I was not myself. It was so much but I acted out in ways he would have turned in his grave.

Steve made me out to be this strong woman and the Pastor was right I could of course cry even the strongest do but that I needed to prove him the worker, the business woman, the daughter he adored to stand up and keep going. I had for my mother and my son, My son needed to just as proud as I had to be.

I looked in the mirror as I fluffed my curled hair and mumbled, “The memories are in here,” I pointed to my heart. The Pastor pointed out that he may be physically dead but everything he did from showing me the ropes, his dreams in the business, to my own son. His laughter, his cries, his triumphs his lows would all flow within me.

I knew I didn’t have to let him go mentally and that everything I did would be in his name following my blood. I smiled as I grabbed my jacket. The first place I needed to stop was the florist at the store nearest the avenue. I needed steve’s wishes done with the celebration of his life not a sad time but that his memory would live on in happy times. My mom always loved that idea, and a dance in his honor. So the fixings needed to be in preparation.

At the store I would also grab a few things for my mom, and for my son  . As well I needed to grab a nice arrangement for the pastor for trying hard in his lessons. It may not have been my cup of tea but he was still my family and he deserved much more than what I gave him.

Life had, as I walked out to my corvette; keys jingling in my fingertips, a funny way of bringing people together. Even in death. This house wouldn’t crumble in fact it would become stronger. My stepfathers death was something that I knew would happen, maybe not so much now, but I knew everyone would die; even if I didn’t like it and the pain was there it was something I would have but life would go on. And with life I smiled looking down and rubbed my lower half. Life definitely had a funny way of coming out.

In fact, as I jumped in and let the engine warm up in this cold morning, rubbing my hands together; I thought even my own mom and I become much closer in this. Closer than I ever thought would happen. And it was steve who made it happen. Even in the worst of times it can bring a light at the end of the tunnel.

I knew from miles around people would be bringing mom and the family food so she didn’t have to lift a finger so I thought maybe something different was in order for everyone. A small gesture. I thought long and hard as I drove to the store, maybe even myself changing for the better was a better way than dwelling in the pain like yesterday. I needed them all to see I could be what steve always said I was.

I smiled as I waved getting out of the corvette as it still ran cuz it was just gonna be a minute in the store, people coming up to me giving their condolences. My step father knew everyone in town, he was big and he cared for people; so in his passing everyone for miles around knew and people could only give me their deepest condolences.

 Today was different, I wasn’t going to yell scream or make any fuss it wasn’t fair to anyone or even myself. Instead take it one breathe and step at a time; as I gave my thank yous holding hands and hugging people as they gave me their words. Things didn’t have to make sense of the whys but instead rather make sense of the now.

Now was a celebration. A celebration of the life he lived and the life he set before me. As I talked to florist and got things set up for the party planning, a celebration, of my father and the life he set before us all I made sure to get a few arrangements set up for my mom as well. An I am truly sorry gesture.

I smiled as I looked at my list to get things done by Saturday’s funeral and celebration party. “A light of life for Steve Ryan” It was his wishes. Instead of bringing everyone down around me it was time I saw it as my dad did. This was not a goodbye but a hello. Hello new beginnings in a place full of love and no pain, a place with welcome arms and that is the type of party I wanted, a hello not a goodbye.

I smiled and waved at helen our amazing florist walking off. I picked a few treats up for my family and the Pastor as well as a few things for my mom to not have to cook, from lasagna to chicken and dumplings.. Then set my sights on the main house. It was time I gave my all and apologized for my outright humiliating behavior especially to a mother who has done so much for me and my life.

I hopped up in my corvette and started off. It only took me a few to get to the main house and my son as well the pastor were there helping mom out, it was way early for all of them and it made me proud to have them here and helping. I smiled as I waved and got out of my car, some helpers already coming over as I looked through the checklist letting them know a few things pointing to the flowers in my truck for my mom.

I first hugged the pastor whispering thank you as I walked up the porch , then smiling at  my son ruffling his hair

Finally I went inside and looked for mom, there was apologizes that needed to be made, coming up to my mom hugging her close as  I chuckled, there were still things we needed to patch up before I fully gave in the full attention she deserved but for now, I would put the past behind an be here for her.

I  sat down and just let her know how much I was sorry. I missed father and it hurt, she knew that and hugged me. This was the mother who we may have had our problems before, but it was steve that changed us for the world . I loved her, she deserved more than me. Words could never explain how much I felt and wanted to express my gratitude for her she was still her and kicking. I smiled and the day was off. Celebrations were in order. A life and new beginnings. #TBC