Chapter 8- #KeepingBusyAfterAlLoss- Remi's Story

KeepingBusyAfterAlLoss

*The morning was already busy; I didn’t have one minute to myself. From Nikko going to daycare to the firm just up and down in many deals, after my absence I was lucky the company didn’t go down in the dumps without me here.

It was like the good days when everyone was together Steve used to say. I guess because I really don’t remember much of it because of my depression getting to me lately, it just didn’t seem real; it was like my nightmares were becoming a reality and I was drowning. I tried to block many things in my life growing up but the good times, so I tried to hold to those being around my mom. I am not saying I always was in trouble but enough to try and move on and up from it.

The last week had been a whirlwind of experiences, from a few amazing dates with different people I thought I was actually starting to live my life and be happy with myself; I wasn’t being tied down to an awful one-sided relationship I was actually meeting new people. And meeting them was everything to me because they showed me a side the way a man should be and loving, but I just didn’t know where I stood with any of them, Which was fine for now, dating didn’t hurt anyone; but then almost getting killed myself from god knows who, and then my stepfathers sudden passing came to me with shock and things had to die down for my own mental state.

I decided it was the best for myself, as well as #Nikko and even my mother to move in for the time being to stay and get some upkeep on my stepfather’s affairs in order. It would keep my mind from going into a deep heart ache and at least my mom would not be lonely, while I was preparing the celebration of steves life I told my mom it was best if she just got out. She was the type that didn’t dwell on bad situations, likes steves death and she knew it was coming so Steve prepared her for it.

That was the best part of this whole situation, was Steve and her knew what to prepare for so she didn’t cry much; she cried with him but not after his passing because she made a promise to him; to make sure I was holding it together; but that was not fair to my mom. She loved to travel and while I settled everything from the mansion to the business to his celebration of life, I told her to take a trip and boy was she quick to get on that band wagon. It was better for #Nikko anyways not to be around the pain I was feeling, he deserved to be happy and the little loving boy I knew he could and would be, plus even safer for him to be by my mom and her body guards Steve had in place being he was a multi-billionaire; which was now my legacy to uphold.

I was surprised to hear my mom was okay with him giving me everything, she said I deserved it through all the pain she also put me through as a child. I felt bad but she was happy and ecstatic about it. Plus, she really hated dealing with money so she knew I would take care of her, I sent her off on some Caribbean cruise to enjoy a few days away as I prepared for it all. It was also for me because I couldn’t let my mom see or in on the heartache I had been dealing with losing the one that deserved so much from me.

I stayed in Steve’s study, the pen was tapping against the table; as each person coming through I would approve, with the help of an assistant to guide me with the right route for my father’s celebration. With each passing from color coordination’s to what food to serve to what music to play to the lightening and who to invite with big celebrity names that my father had helped through his endeavors. He was a businessman. He did the stock market making billions to real estate and he had his law degree so he helped families in the celebrity venture tangle with affairs they had, it was amazing how he could keep up and not shed a tear about his health. He was so passionate and didn’t let anything stop him.

Here I was sitting, as I tapped my pen seeing his business just flourish before my very eyes, not really having to do much but be the boss; and being the boss wasn’t that hard since I had the degree, the potential and my own business that I ran; its partially why I feel Steve knew I would be right for the job and no one else.

Now, these were times I would never forget. I loved the excitement that came with running a multibillion dollar business, and it wasn’t the money but the characters I would see and meet plus I wouldn’t have to get my hands dirty, I could sit back and enjoy life for once while others below me ran the affairs, and the cash would flow in but it’s what it had to offer that excited me with each new turn I could dip into.

As I sat and listened to a few zoom meetings, the window was open and I could smell The crisp clean ocean air, the serene bliss that came from the beach and the waves roaring their songs at , closing my eyes I smiled as I listened. I knew it was Steve telling me everything would be fine, but then like all good things something was sure to hit my chest. That feeling of unknown without my mentor. The depression was taking away every little piece I had of faith.

I sighed as I waved at each person in the zoom that I was fine I needed a minute as I paused the meeting and video on my end., my pen still tapping my heart was racing, the tears were already rolling down my cheeks. I wanted to scream but it was like I already was inside me, “hold it together Remi, you have to hold it together,” but it was like I couldn’t. I was doing everything Steve would have wanted but it hurt, I was alone and felt alone.

I cleared my throat as I nodded and grabbed the tissues as I tried to control my breathing. I couldn’t break down I couldn’t do this he wouldn’t want this.

Things were always happening in the business and just outside the celebration for my father was under way with setting up decorations and making sure things were in place. Maybe, I thought, maybe if I get out and do some actual work, work I never really thought about doing for my father would help put me at ease

I hit the zoom meeting video clearing my throat. Just as I was about to start it my assistant walked in letting me know there was a problem and that I was needed outside, I put on the video letting the meeting know to carry on, my assistant would take over that I had a few things to tend to for my fathers celebration, they all understood and told me to go and were smiling giving me condolences. It felt nice to know people understood and cared.

I walked outside, today wearing some jeans and a nice blouse that I had removed prior to going outside, because I knew I would get my hands dirty, my tears still stained on my face but I didn’t care. I had to keep busy. My father’s alma mater from high school was setting up their stage to celebrate his life. Many of my own high school friends were there to help and show their support for my family and it felt nice. It was nice to see familiar faces.

 As I walked out one, in particular, Hannah came up “Hey Remi some of the electrical is out on the stage could you have a look-see for us?” And of course, I nodded and smiled, one thing while growing up my step father made it a purpose in life to not just know the girl things but also the man things, from fixing cars to rebuilding homes for the needy, which he felt strongly for in his work for the community, so I knew my way around electrical and mechanical things but I was most passionate about technology, hence my firm.

Things just changed thought between Steve and I , I grew distant in my years and I don’t know if it was because I was afraid if I loved him too much he too would be taken from me like my brother, my real dad, even my mom at one point. But now that I look back, I feel that’s why it’s taking it toll on me, why I am the one taking more to heart because he was taken anyways, whether I loved little or more..

I nodded  to Hannah as I knew things had to keep going in preparing for my father’s celebration of life, I said I would be a minute and went to grab my toolbox, His death was  keeping me busy and that is what I needed so my thoughts wouldn’t flood with the emotions I knew would be my downfall. #TBC