Maziqueen's Story - Part 4

#NewBeginningsPart 4-The Devil Within Me Wants Out

The thing about the human world, men in general, they could take a girls heart and not give two shits if they loved it or threw it away it was the game of the trade but not in my book. I was different than any mere mortal I was the fucking devil for hells sake. These stupid feelings should have just rolled off my shoulders.

Back in the day, I tempered with the tempted I even made eve eat an apple with no regrets in the world not one. I choose to let those feelings just never happen. It was who I was I was a built in god image to just take his word and not question it and when I did I ruled a place where his creations fell short of his image like I did. Ironic right?

As each creation fell by their own hand and not my own, I would have my fun here and there but usually let my little demons play. It was the best ‘I could do since they were there with me; but even then feelings had no play in the work I did; they couldn’t for if I even let one ounce of feeling come over me hell wouldn’t be ruled by the damned and it would just be a playground for the non-innocent to just roam and have their own ways. No I couldn’t let that happen.

So feelings to me were not of my nature and came as new as could be. It was like I was being reborn into someone I didn’t know. I had easily blacked out the screams the pain the help me in hell but here, these same black outs were just not overcoming me, instead the heart wanted so much more and the feelings hit me like a ton of bricks.

It was making me go nuts, and the devil want to just reach out and torture someone here in the earthly world. Before I met him, I was all about the torture, my demon Damien always in foot as we took care of people by night on the police scanners and got our fun on the evil in this world. Its how we got our kicks, but when I met #him things changed and I started to change those same nights grew far and few between.

After #He abruptly ended things the Devil in me wanted out to let out these stupid human feelings. I tried to just concentrate on my human job and not have eyes on me with my devilish ways but with every day passing I was getting more and more on the brink of just letting it all out. I wasn’t one for killing, I couldn’t kill. But I could surely enjoy putting evil humans in insane asylums or torturing them with Damien and that urge was gonna make me lose it in one swoop of a call.

After the past few days and the phone call, with what appeared to just be a hoax or some sick joke. I couldn't help but think of the good times and the bad I used to have with #Him. It made me sick in human explosion. How could I even fathom bringing these feelings out when I barely was able to blur them for years.

I spent most of the days at the bar trying to cope but as the devil one of the many dickish ways of my father, he made sure angels even fallen ones couldn’t get drunk no matter how much we drank no matter how long. I usually did it to people watch and try to get the feelings I was having away from my own thoughts. Seeing people going through their drama was always fun, “you cheater,” “You bitch” I loved it. I sat in the corner of the bar as I swished the whiskey in my mouth, the taste was what I was into. Least the taste I could do.

My lips curled in fascination, even as I watched men and woman go at it thinking of the times myself and #he had. Oh the good and oh the bad times, the bad times being the best times. The foolish public sex and the fun living on the edge it was all worth it. I looked down at the glass as I twirled the drink. why here why now why so long. I finally was picking up the pieces that was left behind, the hurt the pain the nothingness and now #He thinks #He could just come back and take my walls down piece by piece with a single aggravating phone call.

Everything's been a blur since the day he left, I tried to drink the memories to the back of my mind but again stupid fathers ways it didn’t even touch it with a ten foot pole, hell sex wasn't even doing the trick and I used mean and woman for my own dickish ways but nothing worked. I was trying to wash all the frustration out of me with anything and everything. Nothing was working and that just wasn't me. The devil inside me burned with fire, the aggression the deep depths of hell wanted to escape my core but for what, for some dumb foolish trick?

I got up as I grabbed my jacket. Throwing down a few bills as I eyed the men and woman fighting already one was holding the other. I couldn’t help but laugh, “stupid humans,” whispered to myself as I waved to the bar keep. We had grown close; not that it mattered anyone close to me seemed to disappear and I really didn’t want to put my problems to dallas so I never took my feelings to his bar.

It was time I needed to get back to work and stop worrying about the ifs whats who or hows. This was a human emotion and I couldn’t be that mere human. I needed back in my own element. I twirled my keys around my fingertips as I walked heal to heal as my boots clicked the pavement to my cycle. “Snap the fuck out of it Mazikeen you are so much more than this” I said to myself as I straddled the bike and waved my head back and forth putting the helmet on my head and reeving the engine as I hit the bike bar and the engine hit like butter to bread as I drove off.

It didn’t take too long as I finally made it to the office. Of course everyone on edge from the last I left, angry as could be. I was still angry but I needed to be here to have my head in the game. I parked my bike as I headed up the steps and through the glass doors. My security waving me in as I gave the a salute and went to my office, only a few flights up.

Of course my secretary jumped up right away asking me if I needed anything, a cup of coffee or water or my usual cocktail. I laughed as I settled her nerves, saying thanks I would take a coffee and headed into my office shutting it behind me, I took a sigh as I threw my jacket on the coat rack and closed my eyes. “come on Mazi come on”

I paced back and forth in my office as my secretary came in and out handing me paperwork and assignments of my employees, I would wave her in and out as I paced then handing me my coffee and running out quick seeing the look in my eyes. Taking my fingertips to my plump lips as I couldn't shake this feeling of doubt.

"All these damn feelings!" I screamed as i stood in my office, scrunching up the employee worksheets as I slammed my hands to my desk, I thought I was finally rid of them. I had them under my belt but now? Now *I raised my hands as I was in utter dismay, this wasn't the life I choose. When I came here to earth I wanted my fun my pleasures, my lip curled again. I wanted my tortuous ways to flourish. The power of  desire getting under people's skins.

But now, now this...this ....MAN was getting under mine. Why, why why....why couldn't #He just stay away, that's what #He did to me, #He was the one that left not me *I point to myself* #He was the one who created this, this mess. *I slammed with my might against my desk. Good thing it was steal. The last time I did this and it was wood, I broke it in two

I breathed out as my eyes turned a bright red, looking from the floor then up. I needed to get this feeling out, this feeling away from me once and for all. But the only way I could was to confront #him, and this *as I turned around my desk and sat down in my chair* this was my expertise to find out exactly where #He was and track #Him down.

I was done playing these foolish mind games, those games were mine and mine alone to toy with people, lead them on then leave them in the dust not the opposite doing it to me. I was finished with all of this chaos brewing in my head, the only thing that could come of this was my own self going crazy and that just wasn't an option. That just wasn't part of my plan. #TBC