Chapter 13- #RunningTheBusiness- Remi's Story

***Warning, trigger warning drugs, rape***

#RunningTheBusiness

*It was like no other Tuesday, meeting after meeting. It was like life didn’t stop. People were worrying in one way or another if their stocks would survive with me now being the one in charge, whether Steve chose the right person. I couldn’t help but just sit in each meeting, my hand over my mouth as I tapped my cheek, like could they not realize I was right there hearing each and every one of their turn me downs toward my character which came in question, did they not see I had my own firm where I ran it like a beast in an industry that change was inevitable and I still made it out with a crown on their head without one worry. I made it my job to take care of my people yet here these assholes were talking down to me like I couldn’t do it

what because I was female? Because I was young compared to my father who had more experience just because of his years in the business, that I might ADD he helped me get into. Because I was going through the stress of him passing and my own personal life that somehow got out in the tabloids. JUST IN HEIRESS IS …Blah blah blah, it was absolute bullshit. To be honest I kind of felt this was going to happen especially in a group of primarily male figures, in this day and age FEMALES just can’t cut it to them; and I mean I couldn’t blame their worry knowing about my past. But look at my damn present, all that I had accomplished. It was just damn foolish to think that a female couldn’t compete in a man’s world.

What had life turned to, what happened to the days full of fun and laughter, full of things you never worried about or even thought could happen. Females could make it in a man's world any day, but as I sat and their concerns came up “what if she goes off the deep end like before” I sighed as I shook my head and thought about my past.

 

Why can’t they get over their selves, why can’t they give at least this female a chance, a chance to prove them wrong. 

#Flashback- Party days

I was barely 19 when it all started, even though I was in college getting my BA to start within a business to follow in my stepfather's shoes, I was always the shy girl who did what they were told, who didn’t act out who didn’t talk back, who followed the books but stayed to myself. I was one that my father was proud to call their own, but as the days carried on he knew I wasn’t like most college kids. 

I guess you could say, hitting this age hurt. I surpassed my brother. I wanted to make him proud, but I just felt it wasn’t fair that he was here. He would be the party boy, the one everyone loved, the one that was out there yet he would get his grades he needed. I am sure we wouldn’t know Steve and maybe I would be on a different path of my own, but I couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t fair.

That’s when it hit me, what if I just let loose? I mean I could still be the girl who got the grades, who got the degrees, minoring in Law. I could still follow in Steve’s footsteps, but what if I just wanted to be the girl that everyone liked and didn’t just turn the corner to. 

The thoughts ran through my mind as I knew what Steve and his board looked to me for, they expected once I had my degrees, that I would be right in their corporation with all the hype that Steve would say about me, but on the other hand, I felt like I was missing a life, a life that could make or even break me. 

It was a cold, rainy, late Friday afternoon when I decided to do just that and break loose out of the shell that was capturing me, keeping me from just being me, but was being me the best choice? The rush of finals ending and classes finally being over made the kids around here high on life, but to me, it was just day, another hour to pass off and try and keep going with a life that I felt really wasn’t my own, I mean it was but it was a life that I wish my brother could have partaken in. I didn't feel I had my family to go home to and tell them what a great job I was doing because Mom was out with Steve on one adventure to the other; partially I felt it was to not think that her son wasn’t alongside me in college like he should have been, he probably a doctorate student compared to my second masters in law I was going for on top of my management degree. It just didn’t feel fair or right.

I walked slowly through the halls; these halls never looked as big as they did today. I clung tight onto my books hard upon my frail chest. Kids were running through the halls with glee passing by brushing against me as I tried to go in and out without being noticed. Some I knew from classes others were just familiar blurred faces I might have seen at one party or another. I looked slowly around as I tried to make out faces but something was making it difficult, maybe the rush of being done or the dizziness I felt from everything that was going on in my life, but something had its hold of me. I smiled as best as I could as some students came up to me touching my arm with excitement trying to talk about the semester ending and all the parties up ahead, I tried my best to have the same excitement but all I could do was smile and nod, no words being able to escape my lips. They shrugged me off not caring about my expressions that obviously was a cry for help but only a few really knew those looks in my eyes, that could pull me out of this but with everything I didn't know who to even turn to that would care enough at this point. I slipped away from the conversation with ease since I really wasn't saying much and finally came upon my dorm room and searched frantically for my keys, I couldn't take all this around me any longer I needed to be inside.

     My fingers went in and out of my purse finding everything but my keys. I looked up as I still clung my books and looked to the sky muttering, "Why me, Why today of all days." I let out a sigh as I rolled my soft brunette eyes. I put one hand on the door leaning forward as I tried to gather myself, "Ok you can do this you can get through today. “I said softly to myself. I take my hand off the door and stand straight taking in a deep breath running my hand through my long brunette hair. I take one more breath as I dig again in my Purse. As the other arm holds my books hoping to not drop anything as I juggled it all. I find my keys a second later and I close my brunette Orbs and mouth, "Thank you" to whoever was watching over me. I hold my book under my left armpit with my purse hangs on my right shoulder And I take my right hand up to the doorknob with my left hand I hold the knob as I slowly unlock my dorm room.

    I opened the door and walked Right away in. The room looked so empty, like a part of me was missing, and it surely was with myself on a rampage. I closed the door slowly behind me as I turned and looked around. I threw my purse with my books on the empty bed next to mine. I didn't care now what happened to the books since it really didn't matter anymore with the semester ending. I walked slowly around the empty bed.. My room didn't feel the happiness I once felt when I first went to college. A small smile crept on my features as I lifted my hand to my lips Chewing my nail remembering that day.. 

I thought it would be the best damn experience of my life, but right going in when you constantly get reminded that he wasn’t here, he should have. Steve tried his best to get my mother past the what if’s but it didn’t matter, the same excitement that I was there was gone, and the depression hit. 

     I turned to the window looking out watching more and more students run as it started to pour. I sat down softly leaning my small frame against the hardwood windowsill. I put my feet up crunching them together as I took my small dainty arms wrapping them around my knees taking my head hitting it softly against the wood as I rocked back and forth. I wasn't paying any attention to the student’s outside any longer. Instead, my blue orbs concentrated on the rain as the drops fell against the window, and with each thud the drops hit against the window my heart broke. 

I watched them fall and I couldn't help but see each drop fall and fall like a teardrop trickling down. Each time my heart broke as the feeling came over me. The thoughts Came full force back to me so vividly like it was just a dream but deep down I knew it wasn't, this was life. My life. And I had to somehow find a way to keep it together, but with each passing day, it was getting harder and harder to cope.  

How could I keep going, how could I keep up this fake life of happiness? And as always the same question kept- Coming to me in big bold Letts as plain as the eye could see. WHY?! That word always lingered like a sharp thorn in my side ripping through My very being, my soul, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it gave me, and unfortunately, my life has always been set in stone for how I was meant to be. This feeling happened every time u was alone and got the chance to be in my own world lost in my own thoughts. I kept hitting my head slowly against the board of the windowsill. Why was I here and he wasn’t

     I leaned forward slightly toward the outside looking out hoping I would see him my Jessie, but all I could see was blackness, an emptiness. It was all I felt. It seemed to love to follow with Every step I took. It tended to try and take over when I least expected it. I knew it was just raining and the outside was all the same with Water and mud and students wet from the rain, but the view I saw wasn't the same and never was. My feelings being torn to knowing why I was really wanted this so much and what creatures lurked in the night that I only Thought existed in nightmares, but now all the nightmares are my reality now. All the aches and pain that followed my every move wherever I Turned. I couldn't help but close my brunette orbs as the tears finally came, I didn’t want to be dubbed the whiny one or cry baby When it came down to having actual feelings and letting it show but I couldn't help it and that’s when I knew I had to be the cold-hearted bitch I once was before. I know it was unfair of me to think of myself in These unfortunate circumstances evolving around the recent events, but I couldn't think to do anything less. I sat looking out the window for what must have been hours lost in my own shadowed self when it finally dawned on me, I remember my friend Em @InkedBeautyx trying to talk me into some sort of drug she would take to just get the pure happiness, that I didn’t have to have a worry in the world

I got out my cell, as the rain dripped and waited for @InkedBeautyx to answer. She finally did, All I had to say was I was in. and she knew, getting all giddy and excited. The college didn’t know what hit them after that. I was their worst nightmare. The same kids in the hall were waving at me as me and @InkedBeautyx would hit the halls laughing off the chain, high as could be. I didn’t care what I did or frankly who I did.

*as I remembered the memories flooding back to me as it hit my core, the worst one still coming to my mind, but I stayed quiet as the board went on.

After remembering some past events the board kept bringing up, I couldn’t help but get more annoyed and angrier that they of all people were sitting here judging me. I stood up in my office, the mic on as I cleared my voice from the board. “Look I know what you may all think of me, hell I even doubt my own self at times but here’s the thing you have to realize and what I have learned from my courses at the university, starting my speech:

    To be a great leader, a leader has to maintain a balance within themselves that is able to portray what people seek in a leader. I may have some points that lead me down a path I am not proud of, but wasn’t it some of you who; if I am not throwing under the bus, but * I thought to myself as I brought up a few boards wrongdoings when they were young* I remember looking at some of your paths, because, let's face it gentlemen I look up to you just as I did my father, and to look up someone you have to know their past present and their future so to speak, If I recall some of you were caught with a few naughty drugs at that hippy *I waved my hands not saying the concerts technical name* concert, and also *a few I could see were turning red* If I may recall got even arrested stealing their parent's car * some cleared their throat* What I am trying to tell you all *I sat down at my desk, starting my speech again* We are not all perfect. But I will be damned if I see this company go to shit, and excuse my French, putting any of you in charge. I know this and my own business that I dug up in the dirt myself, to the top without help or guidance, I *pointed to myself* a woman did it without a mans help. Steve brought me up in his image and by god I will make this his image. 

Organizations seek out a leader who not only can have followers rely on to trust but also that can build a relationship. Relationships make a company bond together in ways that allow the company to thrive and grow in this day in age everything is always changing. Organizations find leaders amongst their staff who portray skills such as self-awareness, Internalized Moral Perspective, Balance processing, and Rational transparency. 

This is my life, it isn’t some fairy tale and far from it and I won’t have some ignorant group of people sit here and talk down to me, when Let me tell you I have been through hell and back most of my life and I never gave up then, and by god, I am not going to now. 

Let me give you *I stand again as they all are stunned on my leadership, as I tap my pen to my pam and walk around to my window looking out*  a glimpse of who I am, because even as a woman apparently I need to show you I have balls, *I cleared my throat as they all began to get wide-eyed and tried to wave their hands saying no* oh let *I pointed up* I finish because I have already started, this isn’t for a petty give her the job or for any kind of remorse; I have lived a life that many have yet to even comprehend and I am proud to keep going even if there may be twists and turns and love and joy and sorrow it is the life I was given. God sure has a way of saying, damn Remi, you need this bump, hold on lets thrown in a curve here, or maybe let me make a u-turn somewhere or better yet let’s make it a roller coaster of events to see what you can take. 

Ladies and gentlemen of the board, let me tell you what, I definitely can take a lot. I wanted to show my story because it shows why in some ways I can be emotional as well want to put my heart into places. In life, I am someone who always has others in mind and not really my own. I jump at the chance to help or to push someone forward rather than my own self and I guess it’s because I have been through so much not many could fathom or deal with on their own.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, *I bowed* I did try drugs which mind you I haven’t touched in decades since. *I was exaggerating but I wanted them to get the point* when I was barely 19, I am 28 now, not only a single happy mother; but in charge of my own firm and here I am taking over a multibillion-dollar corporation. I have been through it all, and the night that turned everything over was the night ladies and gentleman a star football player decided to rape a girl, a poor innocent girl who didn’t give any regards toward him, but because I was already high he thought meh what the hell. And I am sure you all remember this one, you just never knew that poor innocent girl who got the football teams prized player off the team and out of the university, where the university was not on my side, nor the city; but let me tell you, folks, I came out kicking and fighting to get things changed back then and I will do the same now.

I was 19, fucking 19 years old. I was a virgin, I was depressed * I sat down and crossed my legs* I may have been on some drugs that made me impaired, but folks I never gave the yes, or okay to touch one ounce of my body. *I closed my eyes as tears glossed over*

 It had been a beautiful football game, the crowds were roaring, I even remember cheering my ass off because I had pride again, I had spirit, I had it all because I finally didn’t give in to my demons that haunted me because of my brother dying.  I thought maybe, * as my hands were in front of me folded up, elbows on my armchair I pointed out of my folded hands* maybe just maybe that I could finally have a chance at college and I could make a name for myself, and just be free of feeling any emotional baggage that I had. 

And then, of all people, the star player West, came up to me during; god I think it was a touchdown and people were going wild, I was against the fence cheering and screaming, I think @InkedBeautyx was out on the field checking on her man, and I was there just supporting. Anyways, *I shook my head* West asked me to meet him after the game, I was surprised. This guy of all guys was asking me. 

*I leaned back*Most girls would jump on the chance with him, but me I didn’t know my left and right being high as a kite. I wasn’t sure if I jumped too or if I was a bit taken back, in any case, he kissed my cheek and everyone cheered his flirt on towards me, and I was very excited as any girl would be. @InkedBeautyx came up to me jumping up and down, hell it was West Something or other, I keep this memory in the deepest parts of me because ladies and gentlemen that man changed who I am today and why drugs are no longer apart of me. 

Whether or not I was impaired gave that man no right to touch me, and to * I cleared my throat* to rape me. I did in fact meet him after, he was at the bleachers under them in fact, there was a crisp in the air. He thought he was being sly going under there where no one would find us, and especially cameras. I don’t know if someone told him I was high or if he could tell, but I was lucky to have my girl @InkedBeautyx looking out for me as she always did, she said she would stick behind near the field but not too close to let us have our space. She was talking to the guys anyways waiting on her man. 

Anyways, * I shook my head* he was kissing me, bringing up my skirt, I pushed his hand away, but he kept insisting. He brought me down to the dirt as we were making out, I was telling him I needed to get back that my girl would be worried, but he kept going over me, I pushed and shoved, in fact, I remember having long nails, as you see I have today. It is my trademark, he wouldn’t stop even me telling him no, he pushed down my panties and undid his zipper. I smacked him, my nails digging deep making a mark and that made him furious, I screamed the loudest of screams. 

I was lucky, @InkedBeautyx was close and the guys too, they came quick seeing West on me, penetrating me as I cried and screamed, I remember in fact it was @InkedBeautyx boyfriend who ran up and pushed him off me, @InkedBeautyx grabbed my fragile dirt and blood-covered body, as he had hit me and kicked me and pushed me to him. Her boyfriend punched the living hell out of him, and the boys had to stop the fight. The coach came over, and of course, his star player couldn’t have done a thing like that, that I led him on. 

The boys, my best friend and I all had West prosecuted and I got lucky his own friends were on my side of things, but here is the reason why I bring this up,  I am a strong bitch ladies and gentlemen and whether he was just a man, a star football player, hell the highest of highest in that school. I didn’t let him, nor the papers, the news no one brings me down. I sit here today going to those same games, with 2 master’s degrees and a doctorate because I didn’t let my brother’s memory get me down, the drugs, hell even the rape. 

I am a woman who stands here today having gone through my best friend dying, my father going to prison, my mother who always had to have a man carry her on, to even my stepfather who was the best damn man in my life all quit on me, they all held me in one place or another yet ladies and gentlemen a leader will go through hell and back to make sure their people are taken care of and not their selves. I will fight for this company whether you fight me tooth and nail. With that, I leave you to think ladies and gentlemen, am I the one you want, or am I not. Goodnight.

*I slammed the zoom meeting down and tears fell, fell like they never had fallen ever before because I finally found my voice and a voice I wouldn’t let any man or anyone take me down. *